A Mother's Last Words

I write funny letters to my kids on Facebook. They start "Dear Adult Child", "Dear Teenage Son", (there are quite a few of those!)...etc., etc., and go on to state something they have taught me, or some way they have "affected" my life. 

Here's an example:

and another:

Here's the one that really had an effect :

No, he didn't want to "see" that! The belt is now part of his daily attire :) Perhaps I should've said they were notes that threaten my children with public embarrassment, lol! Yeah, I'm a snarky mom, but remember, I've raised a small tribe, and we ARE a large, loud, Italian family (well, my kids like to remind me that I'm NOT Italian, that comes from my husband, lol) :)

I know that I haven't been on here in months. In that time, my life has changed. It is different than it has ever been. You see, this month, I lost the most influential woman in my life. I lost my mom. Yet, God, in His mercy, gave us over a year to prepare for this, over a year to say "Until, we meet you again." Not everyone gets that opportunity. Not everyone gets to have their mom as long as I did. Not everyone gets to feel wanted the way my brother and I did. Not everyone gets to see their parents celebrate 66 years of marriage before saying goodbye to one of them. 

We've been blessed.

My mother lost her mom before my brother and I were born. She was never able to call and ask her mom for advice when raising her own children like I was. Yet, my grandmother's influence has affected my life in many ways. In this past year, my mom spoke often of seeing her again. There was a longing to see her mother. 

I understand it now.

My grandmother wrote a letter to my mom right before she died. She was in the hospital in Missouri, facing surgery the next morning, and wrote a letter to her daughter in California. She didn't survive the surgery. My mom and dad were called, and flew back to be with family. After attending her mother's funeral, she returned home to California and the letter that had arrived while she was gone.

In this letter, my grandmother spoke of general things about her life, this and that, things about my grandfather, just simple things about their simple life....and then she added this:

"I don't have any dread of surgery. I feel if it's my time to be promoted, I'm ready to go. You know, to the Christian, death is "Just Promotion". If the Lord spares me, I feel I'll be beneficial. If not, I'm ready."

The last words of her mother. Could she ever ask for a better gift?

 My mother often spoke of how this letter comforted her. The words of her mother gave her hope that still remained 58 years after she lost her. I found this letter in some of her things. The letter was written on April 12, 1956, the day before she died. Until I saw it, I never knew that the letter that had meant so much to her was written on April 12th. 

That is my anniversary. I was married on April 12th, 1986. Thirty years after the letter was written. My husband and I didn't choose that date for any other reason than convenience. It worked out for us. Yet seeing that date, written in my grandmother's handwriting was special in it's own way. Coincidence? I suppose, but it's a comforting coincidence, nonetheless.

The last few weeks of my mom's life were the hardest for her. She had a stroke and was unable to speak. I had visited her a few days before that last stroke. I'd gone over to 'visit', but actually I'd wanted to get away for a little while from my own 13yo twin boys, who were getting on my last nerve that day. 

I didn't know it would be the last time my mom would be able to speak to me. I didn't know how much her words would mean. I actually lamented to her a little, telling her about how my boys were giving me 'fits', and, being identical, when they wrestled, no one could win, so their wrestling matches went on and on and on, (amongst other things). Her speech had been affected for months by a previous stroke, but she sat up on her bed and she listened, and when she finally spoke, this is what she said:

"You've still got a lot to learn".  

(Um, excuse me mom, but I've got 6 kids. I've been through this with 4 others. You only raised two, and you never had twin boys!)

No, I didn't say that, but I thought it. Yeah, I was a little indignant. I think she saw this. 

She just smiled and said it again.

"You've still got a lot to learn". 

Wow. You know what? She's right. 

I don't even know enough to know how little I know, lol. 

Our lives can be forever affected by words, forever changed by what we say and what is said to us. We are always changing, always learning. My words to my children aren't always what I want them to be. Sometimes they're too harsh, sometimes too thoughtless, sometimes too snarky. I want to convey love, but I fail at times. 

Yes, I still have a lot to learn.

As I turned to leave that day, I kissed her forehead, and said "Mom, I love you."

She replied:

"I know you do...

and I love you too."

Those were the last words ever spoken to me by my mom.

Could I ever ask for a better gift?

I spent many hours with her after that last stroke, when she was unable to speak. She was still imparting lessons to me. She was teaching me how to have grace in adversity.
Without words.
My father taught us all how to love your spouse unconditionally during those weeks and months leading up to her passing. My mother taught us how to gracefully accept that love and help. Their devotion to each other inspired everyone at the assisted living facility. A local article about them, about their devotion to each other, and their marriage of 66 years, written on their anniversary and just days before her passing, received hundreds of responses.

Yes Mom, I still have a lot to learn :)

Thank you for all that you tried to teach me...

and especially for your comfort and your love.